No Patience!

It seems of late that I have had a string of days of no patience. Is it just me? I know it is one of  many menopause challenges. I can’t get through this line fast enough. Why is the cashier talking to everyone? How come traffic can’t go the speed limit? Why is my friend late?

As the day goes on this impatience just continues to build. As I become aware that this is a behavior or feeling that I am choosing to have, I become annoyed with myself as well. It is never ending. After I move out of self-annoyance, I realize that I am making a choice to be annoyed and look for a way to shift out of this craziness spiraling inside of me. I feel like a mad dog who has been taunted for days and is left out of the cage to seek revenge. Looking for other options so I can feel better about life, I begin my shifting from one crazy reality to another not so crazy one. This new awareness of my impatient behavior now enables me to laugh at myself when I feel another wave coming on.

As my body tenses up and my mind heads toward judgment of a situation, the other half of my mind, observing the whole situation, smiles and gets a little giggle out of this behavior that really had no basis for existing except for being in menopause. So the rest of my day is awareness of me getting ready to react and the sane part of me responding with an internal there you go again (no judgment), laugh, laugh.

Practicing awareness instead of just repeating bad behavior over and over again rescues me for now from the road of impatience or maybe from being put into jail. I will work toward developing the patience that I once had before menopause. For now, I am no longer unhappy, pissed off, or raging in my car at the other drivers. Observing my behavior, thoughts and mood helps me to return to the self I would rather be, content, happy and seeking what is really important.

Dawn Fleming